My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
