we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
