so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
