i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
