ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I came so hard my ears popped.
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