I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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