After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
