You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
