I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
