chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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