I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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