I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
