its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize