and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
