You just made me feel so damn special
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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