I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
