you're like a bully in the Christmas story
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my sisters under your porch take her home
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
