I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
