A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
