remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
