The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
