Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
