Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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