I wannas sexs uuuuu
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
