it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Couch. On fire.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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