I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
