your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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