If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
