Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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