You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
