READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
