I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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