She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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