So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I understand Curling. That high.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
