He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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