Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
