Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
