so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
