Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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