JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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