I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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