Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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