i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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