Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize