Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Randomize
