she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
