Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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