nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
