the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
