yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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