And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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