her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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