fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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