Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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