You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
