His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
