i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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