Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
