As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
