So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
