He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
