I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
