Define "chronic" masturbator.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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