so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
