you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
