Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
