so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
