I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
