In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
