how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You are the jesus of drinking
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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