omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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