I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
