You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
