They should really pass out barf bags in church
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
