How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
