I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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