No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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