So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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