the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
