i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
