I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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