thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
