i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
