I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
