I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
