New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
