There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and she was petting her beer can
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
