weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
