I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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