I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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