the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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