I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize