You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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