I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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