So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
