you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize