How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
