so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
