um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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