Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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