His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize