soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
