After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
