The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
