Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This baby is an asshole
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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