I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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