my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
