out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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