why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
