Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
