At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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