I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
