Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
